4 Beliefs about Emotional Pain That Is Not True

The most authentic thing about us is our ability to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our sufferings-Ben Okri

In the little time I have been on earth, I’ve found out that there are certain beliefs people have about pain that is not true. We are expected to move on quickly from the emotional pain we go through, and years after we still find ourselves trapped in our world of pain. So today, I will help us see why some of these beliefs we grew up hearing are wrong.

  • Time heals all wound: ‘time heals all wounds’…remember this saying? ‘Give it time, the pain will fade away’ these are common words of encouragement we get from people when we go through some things in life; but these sayings are not always true.

Why this is true for physical pain, it’s really not the same for emotional pain.

The worst thing one can do is to relegate to time the job of healing emotional and psychological trauma.

The best way to deal with emotional pain is to address it. When you don’t face your pain, you will be creating a time bomb waiting for the right time to explode.  Emotional traumas don’t just fade with time; in fact, they grow with time when not addressed.

For physical pain I would say ‘give it time, time heals all wound’; but when it comes to emotional pain, the best advice is ‘face it so you can beat it!


  • Talk about it; relieve the pain: most people have the notion that the best way to keep the pain alive is to talk about it. They believe that you will be relieving the pain every time you talk about it; but that is so far from truth. When you talk about what you have been true, you create an outlet for the pain to leave you. That is why support groups and therapy is good. You should talk to someone about what you’ve gone through; talk about that pain, anger, frustration, and confusion you are feeling to someone you trust. Talking about what you’ve been through is very therapeutic; it is the best way to let go of the past.

When you don’t talk about what you feel, or about the trauma you suffered, when you bottle it all inside- you will explode! You will end up being bitter, depressed, angry, vindictive and unhappy; it will affect you relationship with yourself and others.

Sometimes we are afraid to talk about what we’ve been through because we see it as a sign of weakness; but it’s not. It takes strength to be able to talk about your pain. Running away from it, hiding, not talking about is a sign of weakness.

So to you my friend who is struggling with some emotional pain and wondering what to do, my best advice to you is- let it show so you can let it go!


  • Trauma is hereditary: you may not believe it, but people actually think this way. In fact, I read an article online saying that a group of doctors have discovered that trauma can be hereditary (mind you, they have no real proof to back up their thesis). And some people who have actually gone through some real bad stuff in life find it hard to stay in a relationship because they don’t want the kids to go through what they’ve been through.

We are not our pain. Yes, you’ve been through some real bad stuff in life…but that doesn’t make you a contaminated goods. Trauma is not hereditary! Don’t believe anyone who tells you otherwise. No matter what you’ve been through, you can make beauty out of the ashes.

You.are.special….you are not a product of your pain-believe that!


  • We become what we experience: this is wrong in all count. We are made by what we go through-good or bad, we are made by our choices. The choices we make as to what our traumas mean is what makes us.

This means you have the choice and power to decide if the tragedies you experienced will break or break you.

Don’t give in to that voice of deception that tells you that you are no good simply because you were abused as a child. Don’t listen to that voice that calls you a failure because of what you lost a long time ago.

Yes, bad things happen-to good and bad people. Sometimes, things you never bargained for just happen, and it looks as if your perfect life is destroyed.

But know that no matter what life throws at us, we have the power of choice.

Happiness is a choice- you can choose to be happy or dwell in self pity.

You can chose to take that bitter lemon and make sweet lemonade.


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