Emotional tyrants 2: managing your anger
Anger is an acid that do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured – Mark Twain
In this post I will be writing on the second emotional tyrant, anger. Every emotion needs to be expressed. It is dangerous and unhealthy to keep your emotions bottled up because it will eventually be expressed and then, it won’t be pleasant. Allow yourself to feel. It is your right! The aim of this piece is not to prevent you from giving voice to your emotions but to help you devise a healthy way (best suited to you) of managing them. You are accountable for how you choose to express your emotions. No emotion robs you of that choice, no matter how intense it is.
There is nothing wrong with anger, provided you use it constructively – Wayne Dyer.
(You will definitely find the posts Ruled by anger and React versus Respond helpful and worth reading.)
Here are some practical ways to manage your anger. Understanding your personality will help you a lot in devising ways to manage your emotions. This is more of a blue print.
- Think before you speak. Take some time before eventually speaking. It is common to say something at the heat of the moment which we end up regretting eventually. Words cannot be taken back once they are said no matter how much guilt we may feel so it is wise to take your time before responding. This gives your brain time to really think and your emotions time to simmer down. Saying the first thing that comes to mind is likely to cause more harm than good.
- Understand what is underlying that anger. Anger just like fear is manifested in other emotions. Some of these emotions are bitterness. Unforgiveness, resentment, malice, jealousy, criticism, hatred. Bitter people are a usually angry people; which are the same with envious people. Understand that these negative emotions not only affect our health (physically, emotionally, mentally and even spiritually) but also inhibit our progress in life. Ask yourself this question. What exactly is the reason for your anger? Is it…
Unforgiveness, intolerance, resentment, malice, hatred, revenge – the truth is when you forgive people, you do it for you not for them. When you hold a grudge against someone, you give that person right to control your thoughts, emotions and happiness. You unburden your heart of emotional loads that will keep dragging you back and even leave you stagnated when you decide to forgive. Unforgiveness and resentment makes us bitter, intolerable and ruins our relationships with others. (The post do yourself a favor; forgive! will be of immense help here).
Who is that person that you can’t bring yourself to forgive? Perhaps the person is not worth your forgiveness but do it for you because you deserve to be happy and emotionally free. Find out why you are resentful, hateful, revengeful, unforgiving, and intolerable. Was it because of an event in the past? Was it because of what someone did to you? Did you trust someone and had that trust broken? Did you lose someone you love and faults yourself or God for it? Find what is underlying that anger. Don’t numb the pain. Allow yourself to feel because in by so doing you give room for healing. A wound cannot be healed by covering it up or hiding it but by baring it and leaving it exposed to air.
Envy, jealousy, gossip, sarcasm, attack–learn to appreciate other people success. Low self-esteem is usually the reason why people always attack others and feel the need to gossip about them. At this moment, I believe you will appreciate this posts perfect for you purpose. Learning yourself. Life is not a competition. Be you; do you.
Our individuality is our importance. Life is not a competition because the only person you can ever be, is the best of you. Find your uniqueness and cling to it. Develop yourself to be the best of you because you are important being you. Rejoice over other people success. Learn the principles they applied and use them to better you. You will find that envy and gossip is of no use when you learn yourself and start appreciating being you. We all have strengths worth exalting and weaknesses worth working on.
I hope you found this very helpful and worth sharing to others.