The Right Attitude Begins With You
Our attitude is not affected by other people’s actions. Yes, it is not affected by what they say or do to us. Our attitude is affected and influenced greatly by our own actions.
Let me explain better
If I punch a 30 year old body builder and a 15 year old with the same amount of force, the impact felt by the 30 year old when compared to that of the 15 year will be lesser. What made the difference in what they felt? It obviously wasn’t the punch because it was thrown with the same amount of force. The reason for the difference in impact is because the two have different shock absorbing capability. The body builder felt less impact because of additional muscle mass and training. This explains why some people get hurt by a particular comment but when the same comment is used on another, they seem oblivious to it. That also explains statements like “I really admire this lady. It’s like mean words do not get to her!”.
When words are said, they immediately provoke thoughts in our head. You have to make the decision to either reject it or accept it. The truth is, there is really nothing like ignoring it. Consciously or subconsciously, you have either accepted it or ignored it. The next reaction provoked will be dependent on the decision you made. What you feel about a word said to you will tell the decision you made (accept/reject)
This illustration may help…
A teenager was called fat by some bullies. Once the words were said, they were immediately translated to thoughts in her head. She has a decision to make, accept the harsh words or reject them
IF SHE ACCEPTS IT…
She walks away reiterating those said words to herself. That is what provokes the feeling of depression, low self-confidence, worthlessness and insecurity. It wasn’t the words they said to her that provoked these feelings. Yes, I said that! It was what she said to herself.
IF SHE REJECTS IT
She rejects it (mentally or even verbally too) and tells herself, “I’m amazing the way I look but I think this is a cue for me to stop those bad feeding habits I have recently grown accustomed to, like feeding very late at night. Yuck! That is really unhealthy”
“Poor girls, they may be feeling insecure of themselves. People bully others because they feel miserable inside and want to latch it on to others. I feel sorry for her. I love my curves and I have embraced them already”. She walks out of this encounter feeling proud of herself, more confident and happy because you cannot control what people say or do to you but you can gauge your reaction.
An Experience of mine that may explain better…
I have a large head and was bullied for that during my teen days. One day (thanks to a sibling), I stood up to them and told them, “Yes, I have a big head. I guess that explains why I am so brainy because big brains need big skulls”. I swear the look on their faces was priceless. From that day till this day, the size of my head has never made me insecure. I then understood that it was what I told myself that made me depressed and it was what I said to myself that resurrected my confidence. IT WAS ALL ME! People still call me “Big head”, but the feeling it provokes isn’t insecurity but humor. I laugh it off because what I tell myself is what matters most.
You voice is the loudest voice you hear in your head
Understand that you are the champion of your happiness. Don’t expect people to be nice because they are not always nice. There are really mean people that feed off other people’s misery. They love to bully people. They love to watch them cry. You can’t really do much that. No wonder Eleanor Roosevelt said “you cannot make one feel inferior without their permission”
You are who you tell yourself you are. If they call you a failure, that’s their business. You become a failure when you agree to their negative confession and start telling yourself that. Do you not know that Oprah Winfrey was fired from her job with the reason that ‘she was too emotional and unfit for talk shows’? She ended up becoming the Queen of Talk shows and a figure celebrated by many. Do you not know that Walt Disney was also fired from his job and told that ‘he was not creative and had a poor imagination’? The same man dreamt to reality the Disney world franchise!
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond. You can either choose to react to life or respond to life. The right attitude begins with you!