Separated BY Distance : Depression
I just can’t specifically categorize this piece (short story, poetry or a blend of the two) but it’s one of my piece that speaks loudest to me. Depression is not a Myth. It’s real and there are still a huge number of people that battle depression. The good news which is a 100% true is that you can conquer depression. I did. And when you do, please bless others with your story.
In the quiet of the night as the bird hums
In the wake of the moon from heartland
Separated by distance yet linked by a common feeling
And in the genius of the night; they let it all out
Oh! There are so many of us who give into this feeling
And in the midnight they cry
Each with his own wound
Just let it all out
No one can see
Come morning; come another time to pretend
Right now just let it all out
So many people get pass it
So many of us face their grieve
But some pain is just too much to bear
Suicide just seems to be the only way out
Completely immersed in those dark clouds
The right words feel wrong
What seemed once joyful feels pleasureless, overwhelming and unbearable
Feeling a strong rush of nostalgia as I reminisce on this old neighbor of mine. His name was Randy. Back when I knew him, he was just 15.
Randy was scrawny looking kid. I always saw him with his guitar at exactly 4am every day. Actually he wakes me each morning with the beautiful melody he produced with each struck of a chord. I also noticed, young Randy was always looking sad.
So one morning, I made the decision to ask Randy a couple of questions. “Hi, I’m Rachael”, I said. “Ï know” was all he could mutter. “He obviously doesn’t want to be disturbed” I said to myself. Yet I couldn’t bring myself to move an inch from there. What kept me transfixed? Was it the melancholy tone he played or the sadness in his eyes or the heaviness in his voice?
Then his voice broke through my whirlwind of thoughts. “Some words are best left unsaid, some emotions are best left hidden, and some questions are best left unanswered.” Then he looked up to me and said “Does that make sense to you?” There was a depth of sadness in those eyes that made my heart constrict. “No” I said in a very hoarse and faint voice. Randy smiled then, but the smile barely reached his eyes. “I know” was all he said and turned back his attention to his guitar. That was more than enough cue for me to leave.
As I walked back to our cabin, Randy’s words reverberated in my head. Literally, they made no sense to me but there was something about those words that kept resonating. These were the only words that young man in a moment of feeling completely alone could utter. There’s got to be more to those words and so I spent the rest of that week pondering on the meaning of those words. After that day, I never spoke to Randy again. I just assumed he wanted to be left alone. So years went by, Randy remained religious to his habit or what must have evolved into a lifestyle. During the falls of that year, we relocated to Boston because my mum found a better paying job.
Two years later, I reunited with an old friend. We got lost in the gossips ranging from boys to school. It was really nice to re-unite with Grace, she was never short of information. How she gets to know of them, I don’t really know. I just know most of her gossips happen to be true. Then she gave me the shocker! Randy’s dead. I stared at her with mouth wide open for what seemed like forever. “What happened” I asked in the midst of my shock. “Suicide happened”, said Grace in her usual nonchalant manner. “Did he leave a note?” I couldn’t help the tears that cascaded down my cheeks.
Randy’s words came back to mind. This time with a force like never before. Grace was talking but I couldn’t hear a thing. I just knew she was because her lips were moving. I was lost in my thoughts. Randy had everything, or so I thought. Unlike mine, his two parents were still alive. His family was much richer than mine. He lived in a mansion, I lived in a cabin. In my eyes, Randy had the perfect life. Grace said he left a note and in the note he wrote “I’m happy now.”
I looked up from my paper only to see half of the room in tears and the rest with a look I’ve grown familiar with. I continued. “Randy taught me that happiness doesn’t come from without. It comes from within. That’s a myth that has burrowed deep in to hearts of so many. Yet we see the aftermath of this theory every day in our society. The annual suicide statistics is 12.93 per 100,000 individuals. Statistics has shown that a gross majority of this number had what we call ‘the Perfect Life’. Till this day, those words by Randy keep unraveling to me.
Now I know why those words which made no literary sense to me back then still terrorized me till this day. They were encrypted words from a lonely heart. It is in decoding this words that we find the answers to the numerous questions the world has regarding depression and suicide. It is in decoding this words that we understand better this conspicuous fact- Happiness comes from within not without.” A loud ovation ensued. I smiled not because of the euphoria of the moment; but because at that moment, I could swear I saw an image of Randy in the crowd with a huge grin on his face. I never saw Randy smile. I always wondered what he would look like with a smile on his face. This image of Randy smiling is the image I will want to live with forever.