Stirred Up By Hope

The war is in our minds. The battle in our heads. Then comes those dark clouds…

They are feelings with a physical translation like no other. They can make you numb, gain weight, lose weight, hurt yourself and the ones you love. They suppress you until you say those words “I give up”. Sometimes even with that, they do not stop.They are ruthless in action.

They know no mercy.

They have 3 primary mission- To steal, to kill and to destroy. They take your joy, your happiness and your faith in living. They steal your hope and kill your dreams. They destroy you relationships and when you find it overwhelming, they take YOU. They are no respecter of person or statues. They don’t care about your gender or age.

Robbin Williams (53), Marylin Monroe (36), Kurt Cobarn (27), Mindy McCread (37), Jonathan Bradis (27), Sawyer Sweten (19), Jovan Belcher (25), Alexander McQueen (40), Jonny Lewis (28), Cheyenne Brando (25), Michael Osmond (18), Carter Vanderbilt Cooper (23), Dana Plato (34), Katelyn Nicole Davis (12).

I rose above my dark clouds and in rising above them, I learnt some lessons that will guide me forever and hopefully bring light to others. They first bring you to that point of isolation because they work best in secrecy. They destroy your relationships and make you believe that the peace you so much crave for can only be found in death. You see, I don’t write this based on someone else’s story. I write this based on my own experience and journey. I have been there and I know first-hand the weight and pain these clouds come with.

I remember vividly the day I knew I’ve had enough. In my room, sprawled across the floor, with swollen eyes, a battered ego and a broken will – I knew I was about to cross that line of no return. I was out of options. My strength has failed me again and my weakness staring right at me.  In the midst of my helplessness, hopelessness and emotional turmoil, two bible verses came to mind.

Cast your cares on the lord and he will support you (Psalm 55:22)

His strength is made perfect in my weakness (2 Cor 12:9)

And from that moment till this day, I have consciously built my emotions around those life-saving verses. I realized that when standing becomes too difficult, you should kneel. I realized that when the issues of Life becomes overwhelming, cast it over to God. A friend once asked me – “is that not you being delusional? Believing in a god that cares enough to take the weight off”. I gave her this reply – “if this delusion gave me a hope I never had, then I don’t mind being deluded forever because what’s life without hope?” To give up on living simply means you have lost hope in living.

Hope made every day worth looking forward to. Hope cemented into faith- that conviction that tomorrow will be better is what makes living great…

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